Boundaries: The Deeper Meaning Behind Them
Someone asked me how to handle colleagues who constantly interrupt you with small talk or irrelevant comments when you’re trying to get work done—and where a “I’m busy” doesn’t cut it. (Even if this situation doesn’t seem relevant to you, I encourage you to keep reading—because there’s a deeper lesson here.)
I remember these situations myself at work: you’re in the middle of drafting that important report when someone pops up by your desk just to say something meaningless, and there goes the focus you worked so hard to build and sustain.
It took me a while to learn how to handle such situations and protect my precious and limited time—but that change didn’t happen until I started looking inward. I realized I was asking the wrong question: instead of asking “How do I make myself heard?” I needed to ask “What are these situations telling me about myself?” What was it about the way I showed up that made people ignore my requests or leave me feeling unheard?
As I dug deeper, I uncovered important themes, like…
My ability (or inability) to set boundaries
My confidence (or lack of confidence) to stay strong in my choices and feel good about them
And most importantly…
Where else did I see similar patterns show up in my life?
Where else were my words not enough?
Maybe with friends… with my partner… with my kids…
That’s when I realized: it’s not just about work. It’s not just about that one colleague at work—it’s a deeper pattern of not standing my ground and protecting my boundaries.
If I’m not able to say “no” in one area of life, I probably struggle in other areas, too. But why is it that it can be so hard to set clear boundaries? What are we afraid might happen if we say “no”?
Will they think I’m rude?
Will they like me less?
Will they think I’m not a team player?
Will I lose connection, respect or opportunities?
These fears run deeper than a simple office interruption. These fears often stem from old stories we carry—beliefs we’ve held about who we need to be to feel accepted or safe.
Once you see that, you realize the real work is not about learning a perfect script to tell people off politely. The real work is about understanding yourself, your patterns and your fears—and deciding to take back your time anyway.
