Clearing Space for Better Relationships
It doesn’t happen to us often, but when it does we know we are faced with something monumental. I am talking about the point in time when we begin to question whether a relationship we have with someone is helping us grow or quietly holding us back. A friend, a colleague, or even a longtime companion may have once fit beautifully into your life… but now something feels off. Perhaps even worse than off.
At first, you’re not sure if it’s worth addressing—or if it’s even your place to do so. Perhaps you question the validity of your emotions or convince yourself it is just a temporary blip. Yet something inside keeps asking, Why do I feel drained every time we connect? Why don’t things feel the way it used to?
Then suddenly these questions are followed by others. Should I keep trying to make this relationship work and just suck it up; after all, we have been friends for so long? Or, Is it time to cut that person off my list of core relationships?
These are big questions—and they deserve time and honest reflection. Just like we would want a chance to grow and improve, it’s only fair to offer that same grace to others.
Rushing decisions can lead to regrets later. In other words, if you believe there’s even a small part worth saving—give it a try.
There are, however, some powerful exercises that might help you figure out the best course of action.
As Sahil Bloom, author of the recently released bestseller The 5 Types of Wealth, writes, one of the most powerful tools we can use is something called “The Relationship Map”—an honest exercise where you assess the baseline of your relationships.
He encourages readers to reflect not just on who is in your life, but on how you feel after interacting with them.
List your core relationships — close family, friends, a partner—or choose one specific person you’ve been questioning.
Ask yourself two things for each relationship:
Is the relationship…
Supportive: Mutual care, understanding, respect, and emotional comfort
Demeaning: Lacks support; consistently undermines your self-worth
Ambivalent: A confusing mix—supportive at times, hurtful at others
Is the interaction…
Frequent or Infrequent?
Use this to visualize who falls into which category.
Pay special attention to those in the red zone (frequent and demeaning) or the danger zone (frequent and ambivalent). These often require action.
Of course, not every relationship needs to be cut off dramatically. Some simply require gentle distance. Others deserve an honest conversation or that a boundary be created. And a few may reveal more about your own boundaries than those of the people around you.
Let this also be a reminder: as uncomfortable as it may feel, you are allowed to outgrow people—just like they, too, are allowed to outgrow you.
Your energy is one of your most valuable currencies. Ensure it is spent wisely.
Ultimately, it is your responsibility to make sure those around you lift you up and bring energy into your life—not the other way around.
