Why You Should Compare Yourself to Others?

You’ve probably heard it before: “Never compare yourself to others.” It’s one of those well-meaning pieces of advice that gets tossed around all the time. But to be honest—I don’t fully agree. I actually think you should compare yourself to others. And let me tell you why.

Back when I was still a student, I had a friend who moved to Brazil right after graduation. I remember following her adventures on Facebook—her pictures, her stories, her seemingly magical life under palm trees, all the while I was stuck in my small Lithuanian hometown wondering what I was supposed to do with my life. And something about her story lit a spark in me. I had always craved adventure. The idea of moving to an exotic place, doing something completely out of the ordinary, excited me way more than the traditional graduate path of landing a “real job.” That felt more like an obligation than a desire.

Watching her life unfold from afar didn’t make me feel jealous—it made me feel hopeful. It made me feel inspired. I thought, If she can do it, maybe I can, too. That small act of comparison didn’t drag me down; it lifted me up. It helped me access a desire I didn’t even realize was hiding inside me. One that had been buried under the weight of what I thought I should do. So instead of applying for graduate roles, I bought a one-way ticket and moved to Latin America. I started in Brazil, then lived in Colombia, and later Mexico—working with nonprofits, exploring new cultures and living some of the most exciting years of my life. And it all started with a simple comparison.

Fast forward to today—and guess what? I still compare myself to others. But these days, my source of inspiration mainly stems from a fictional character. Have you ever watched Billions? There’s this badass Executive Coach named Wendy who works with high-performing leaders and somehow manages to be both brilliant and intimidating in all the best ways. That’s who I want to be (minus the billion-dollar hedge fund drama… maybe). I call her my imaginary benchmark. When I feel off-track or uncertain, I just ask myself, What would Wendy do?

Of course, I get it—comparison can be toxic, too. Especially when it becomes obsessive, or sparks feelings of anxiety or “I’m not good enough,” or when we pine after someone else’s life without doing anything to close the gap between where we are and where we want to be. But when comparison sparks clarity—when it reveals a hidden desire or points to a direction worth exploring—it becomes a powerful tool. Like someone once said, “Comparison might be the thief of joy, but it’s also the friend of progress.”

So, no, I don’t believe we should blindly accept the advice to never compare. I think the trick is to compare wisely. To look at others not to shrink, but to stretch. To see what lights you up, and then use that feeling as fuel—not fear. Because when comparison leads to action instead of overthinking, it doesn’t steal your joy—it gives it shape.