If you are encountering any issues in your life, especially as it relates to other people, have you ever tried to define the problem to be… you?
“Be the problem” is a concept I found in a book written by my favorite coach, Steve Chandler. Initially, this idea left me puzzled. My gut reaction was defensive: I am certainly not the problem in the issues in my life, nor do I want to perceive myself as one. Why would I ever choose to view myself in such a negative light?
Yet, after taking a moment to reflect more deeply, I realized it was actually a message of empowerment, not victimhood or guilt. By seeing yourself as “the problem,” you gain the power to resolve it. Blaming others often means solutions are non-existent, as it would require changing the behaviors of others—quite an impossible task.
Instead, by thinking that the problems might reside within me, it offered me an opportunity to see what changes I could make to improve the situation.
For instance, at home, I found myself frequently frustrated by the constant mess and disorganization. Initially, I blamed my family members for not picking up after themselves. However, when I assessed my own role, I realized that I hadn't set clear expectations or a system for chores. By acknowledging this, I realized I need to create a chore chart and use sticky notes as reminders for what needs to be done and when.
It worked miracles! This led to a better organized home and reduced the everyday stress over a messy home.
Through the acknowledgement of my own role in problems I face, I could easily navigate towards resolutions, rather than remain in a sea of blame and helplessness.
Now, going forward, by remembering the principle of "Be the problem," any challenge I face in my life will start by looking inward first. Instead of pointing fingers, I will ask myself, "What can I do differently to affect change?"
So don't be afraid to see yourself as the problem, as paradoxical as it may sound. This mindset isn’t about self-blame; it’s about proactively taking charge of the situations you face in your day-to-day life.
Knowing you are in charge of your life—not the other way around—is yet another transformative step towards the ultimate goal: achieving a peace of mind.
